


hotline bling

by roosebolton



Category: Andrew Hozier-Byrne (Musician)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, RPF, also video games and beer are involved, and a little kissing, even though they're sometimes jerks, imagine your family accepting you without question, this is not set in the same timeline as any of my other works for the record, this is very soft, this might be the softest thing I've ever written, your mileage may vary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-13
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2020-10-17 19:53:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20626631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roosebolton/pseuds/roosebolton
Summary: They can't keep this secret from their brothers forever.





	1. Andrew & Jon

Andrew reclined on the couch in his parents’ house, his head resting on one armrest, his feet propped up on the other, his body too long to be properly comfortable. The television was on, the sound barely above mute, some dreary RTE news program his mum and dad would likely have been watching had they been at home. He tried his best to speak quietly into the cell phone he held to his ear, lest his conversation be overheard, but he couldn’t help occasionally laughing a little too loudly at the voice on the other end of the call, somewhere between the polite laughter one might afford a stranger telling a joke and the full, throaty laugh of something found genuinely hilarious - more of a boyish giggle, full of nervous energy. 

“Mmhmm, yeah, I… oh? All right, I’ll, ehm… talk later, yeah?” he said into the phone, hopefully. “Sure. Text me, I guess. Later, then.” He hovered his thumb over the “end call” button for a moment before pressing it, resting the phone face down on his chest. He took a deep breath, staring up at the ceiling with a huge grin.

Then Andrew felt a tap on the top of his head.

“Hey,” said his brother.

Andrew went red in the face, looking upside down at his brother from the couch armrest. “Jaysus, Jon, how long have you been standing there?” 

“Not long enough to hear any actual conversation. Lucky for you, I guess. I heard you laughing and came in to see what you were watching, but I don’t think you were giggling at the news.” Jon snickered. “I could be wrong.”

Andrew cleared his throat and tried to keep a straight face, though his excited puppy-dog grin kept threatening to return. “Nah, I was on the phone. As you… already gathered, yeah?”

“Anyone I know?”

“Just… you know, a friend. One you don’t know. No big deal,” Andrew replied coolly - or so he believed, anyway.

“Andrew.”

“Yeah?”

“Andy.”

“What?”

“You got a new girlfriend, or what? I haven’t seen you grin and blush like that in ages.”

“_No,_” yelped Andrew, perhaps a bit too emphatically.

“Just a crush then?” Jon nudged his brother’s shoulder. “I’m telling you, that wasn’t a Friend Look I saw when I came in.”

“And I’m telling you, leave it alone, please,” said Andrew, taking another deep breath and rolling over to sit up properly on the couch. Jon took the opportunity to squeeze in next to him, scooting him over a little. He reached over Andrew and stole the remote, turning off the television before his brother had a chance to pretend to be watching the news. 

“Andy, come on. I’m a little concerned. You don’t usually hide things like this from me, you know? Is everything okay?”

“_Yes, _ Jon, everything is fine. I was just having a normal conversation on the phone. Do I need your permission next time, _mum?_” said Andrew, testily.

“Okay, okay, I’ll leave alone for now. Sheesh. I’ve never seen you this defensive.”

“For now?”

“For now.”


	2. Alex & Patrick

Patrick pounded on the bathroom door for the third time. 

“Come on, you’ve been in there for an hour. I _ know _ you’re on the phone, I can hear you talking.” He put his ear to the door, but couldn’t hear more than muffled words from his brother’s conversation, until Alex spoke directly to him.

“Patrick,” he said loudly, his hand over the microphone as though he were on a landline, “fuck off, I’ll be out when I’m done.”

Alex walked to the side of the bathroom farthest from the door. “Yeah, he’s… complaining I’ve been in here too long.” He held the phone away from his ear for a moment to see how long they’d been talking. _ 53 minutes, 24 seconds. _“I should go, I guess, he probably has to use the toilet or something. ...Yeah, we can talk later. I’ll text you when all’s clear, or whatever. Bye.” He moved to end the call, but it ended before he could press the button.

He looked in the mirror, running a hand through his hair and composing himself before tucking his phone in his pocket and unlocking the door. He was unsurprised to see Patrick waiting for him, leaned up against the wall facing him, his arms crossed, head cocked to one side.

“So?” said Patrick with a smirk.

“So what?” replied Alex, moving to push past his brother, who caught him around the neck with one arm.

“Nope, you’re not leaving until you tell me what _ that _ was all about.”

“What _ what _ was all about?”

“The fact that you felt the need to lock yourself in the _ toilet _ of all places to have a phone conversation.”

“Privacy.”

“You do have a bedroom, yeah?”

“Yeah, and some people have a tendency to enter without asking. Like you.”

“Ah. True. So, phone sex?”

Alex turned a bit red but scowled. “_No. _ Not that I would tell you if it was.”

“So what you’re saying is it _ was _ phone sex. With whom? Anyone I know?”

“It _ wasn’t_, asshole, and it’s none of your business. Why do you care who I talk to all of a sudden?” Alex crossed his arms, beyond irritated.

“Because it’s rude to take up the toilet for that long when you aren’t even using it for its intended purpose.”

“Or you’re just nosy. Do you even have to go?”

“Sure don’t. But I might have.”

Alex snorted. “So, nosy. Can I go, or are you gonna keep up the whole You Shall Not Pass routine?”

“Fine, but I’ll be watching you. That was weird.” 

“Whatever.” Alex rolled his eyes and slipped out from under Patrick’s arm.


	3. The Phone Call

“...Yeah, I mean, that’s why he’s the best cinematographer in the business, you know?”

“Right, totally, yeah. Hey, I wanted to ask you something.”

“What’s up?”

“Andrew’s been acting really weird lately, like he’s hiding something and he won’t talk about it. You know anything about that?”

“Nah, I haven’t talked to him in a while. I mean, I’d think he’d tell you something before he’d tell me anyway. ...Actually though, now that you mention it, Alex has been weird too. He locked himself in the bathroom and was on the phone for an hour, wouldn’t tell me why.”

“Huh. Yeah, Andy was on the phone for a while too and wouldn’t tell me who he was talking to, from the look on his face he’s got some new girl he’s into or something, but he wouldn’t own up to it.”

“Hmm. ...I have an idea.”

“Yeah?”

“They’re pretty close friends, right? Do you think they’d tell each other whatever it is they’re not telling us?”

“Maybe… I dunno, it’s probably worth a shot, assuming they haven’t already talked about it.”

“What if we all hung out? You know, chill, have a beer, play video games or whatever. Make some excuse for you and me to leave, but only pretend, lag behind and listen to see if they talk about it once we’re quote-unquote gone.”

“I like the way you think. S’mad but it might work.”

“When’s a good day? At the weekend sometime?”

“Yeah, maybe Saturday night?”

“Haha, sure. It’s a date.”


	4. The Plan

After several rounds of Super Smash Brothers, a few beers, and a lot of craic, Patrick and Jon had to put their plan into action.

“Okay, all right, here’s what’s gonna happen…” said Patrick. “Loser of the next game has to buy more beer.”

“Patrick,” said Alex, gesturing at his brother with a beer bottle, “are you saying that we have _ finished _ all the beer? Is that what you’re telling me?”

“That is, indeed, what I’m saying.”

“Then I hope you have _ money _ because you are going _ down _ in the next round.”

Andrew snickered. “In all fairness, Patrick, I think you did drink most of the beer.”

Jon did a quick count of the bottles. “Actually, _ I _ seem to have. I’ll volunteer to go with Patrick when he loses.” He grinned. 

“Good man, but I’m _ not _ going to lose,” replied Patrick jovially, fully intending to lose.

The round - no items, Final Destination - didn’t last long, and Alex’s party hat Pikachu ended up in first place, with his brother’s Captain Falcon dead last.

“It seems, Patrick, that your bragging was misplaced,” said Alex with a broad smile. He raised what remained of his beer. “A toast to my brother, who is now oath-bound to buy more beer.”

Patrick bowed dramatically. “Alas, hubris has defeated me again.”

Jon set down his controller and stood up, stretching his arms above his head. “Well, I said what I said. Let’s go, yeah?”

“I’ll get the keys,” said Patrick with a sigh. “Be back shortly. Don’t misbehave while we’re gone, since we won’t be here to film it for posterity. Or, you know, Instagram.”

Alex and Andrew glanced at each other and chuckled.

Patrick left the living room, jingling his keys and leaving the door open a crack. Jon shouted “bye” from near the door, and then the door loudly opened, then closed, with both Jon and Patrick still inside. Patrick gently and noiselessly set his keys on the keyhook by the door, both of them quietly creeping back toward the living room to eavesdrop. Jon held his finger to his lips so as to signal quiet; Patrick mouthed “no shit” in return.

After a few moments of silence, Alex spoke first.

“They gone?”

“I mean, I assume so.”

Alex heaved a sigh, as though he’d been holding his breath. “Thank God, I’ve felt awkward this entire time, like I was being cornered. I figured they realised what was going on and were staging an intervention or something.”

Andrew chuckled. “I think they would’ve said something by now, don’t you? I don’t think either of them are the type to hold off on... new secrets, or whatever. And knowing it’s us, you know, teasing us mercilessly for eternity, that sort of thing.”

Alex snorted. “True.”

From outside the door, Patrick and Jon heard the creak of the couch and a bit of fabric rustling, as though their brothers were adjusting their seating arrangement.

“Don’t worry so much, you know they’ll be noisy when they come back. We’ve got time,” said Andrew.

Jon and Patrick looked at each other in confusion. Jon leaned over and whispered _ it feels like we missed part of the conversation somehow_. Patrick nodded in agreement. Both of them quietly moved so they could see their brothers through the crack the door had been left open.

Andrew was sitting on one end of the couch, just as he had been before, but Alex was curled up next to him, his head resting on Andrew’s leg, Andrew stroking his hair gently, smiling down at him with great fondness. They stayed that way for what seemed like an eternity to their brothers, but then…

“I guess you’re right.” Alex sat up, tugging on one of Andrew’s legs. “Scoot this way so I can fit, you’re too far over.” Andrew obliged him, and Alex climbed awkwardly atop his lap, his knees on either side, his arms draped over Andrew’s shoulders. Andrew wrapped his arms around Alex in a loose hug.

“You’re warm,” said Alex softly.

“Mmm,” hummed Andrew, pulling him a little closer on his lap. “You too.”

(Outside the doorway, Patrick lightly nudged Jon.)

Alex leaned in and pressed his lips to Andrew’s, his unbound hair falling in a curtain, shielding their kiss from Jon and Patrick’s view, until he reached up and tucked it behind his ear. They parted for a moment before Andrew, tilting his swanlike neck a little to the side, reached up to kiss Alex a second time, his eyes closed.

That was enough. Patrick and Jon, collectively holding their breath, backed away from the living room and, as silently as possible, grabbed Patrick’s keys and left the house to do what they originally claimed to be doing, shutting the door as softly as possible behind them.

They were on the road for a good five or ten minutes before either of them spoke. When they did, a flurry of words came out of both their mouths.

“Did you--”

“I couldn’t have--”

“How long do you th--”

“No wonder they we--”

“Why didn’t they--”

Patrick took a deep breath and put his hand over Jon’s mouth, an impressive feat while driving. “Hold on. Wait. We’re not getting anywhere. One comment at a time.”

Jon acted like he was going to bite Patrick’s finger, and he pulled his hand away. 

“Okay. Okay. So, number one, what the _ fuck _ was that.”

“That was kissing. You should try it sometime.” Patrick smirked.

“You _ know _ what I mean, asshole.”

“Yeah, I do, I also use humour as a defence mechanism, so like, cut me some slack.”

“And… I think we can establish that the reason our brothers were being so _ fucking _ weird about talking on the phone is that they were _ talking _ to _ each other. _”

“Seems that way, yep.” Patrick breathed deeply again, trying to concentrate on driving.

“So I think the question now is… what do we do with this new information? Besides try not to think about our brothers making out, I mean.” Jon scratched his beard thoughtfully.

“Well…” Patrick began. “They don’t _ know _ we know.”


	5. Confrontation

Jon and Patrick made a loud show of entering the house, giving their brothers enough time to stop doing whatever it was they might have been doing. 

“Hope you’re thirsty, lads, we’re home,” Jon called to the living room.

Alex shouted back, “Bring us a couple, then, on your way in.”

Popping two beers open with a bottle opener in the kitchen on the way, Patrick and Jon went into the living room as nonchalantly as possible, passing the bottles to Alex and Andrew, who were sitting at either end of the couch, almost suspiciously not touching each other, considering what their brothers had seen. Andrew set his bottle on the table next to his game controller, but Alex kept his in one hand, taking a sip.

Jon returned to his seat on the other side of the couch next to his brother. Patrick leaned up against the arm of the recliner opposite Jon, trying his best to keep a straight face.

He waited until Alex took a sip before he spoke.

“So,” said Patrick, unable to hide his grin, “how long have you two been an item?”

Alex, as expected, spit out his beer immediately, stammering objections. Andrew blushed deeply, but remained quiet.

“What in the-- fuck, Patrick, why would you say something like that? For fuck’s sake!” yelped Alex, attempting to clean up his beer with a napkin.

Jon shrugged. “I mean, it’s an honest question. And one you didn’t answer.”

Andrew made a stuttering noise. “Ah, ehm, you’re in on this too, eh?”

Jon gave his brother a winning smile. “Nothing to be in on. And _ you _ didn’t answer, either.”

Alex took a deep breath with eyes closed. “There’s nothing to answer. So I didn’t.”

Patrick leaned forward, still smiling. “Ah, but then, why were you kissing?”

Alex sat back against the couch, registering his brother’s words. Andrew was silent, pretending to study his hands, though unable to hide a smile of his own.

Cautiously, measuring his words, Alex spoke. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Alex.” 

“_What, _ Patrick?”

“We _ saw _ you.” Patrick snorted, Jon nodding in agreement. “You were both acting weird about talking on the phone, so we decided to eavesdrop. Got a bit more than we bargained for, though. _ Then _ we went to get beer.”

Alex hid his face in his hands, his red cheeks peeking through his fingers. He mumbled something quietly, his brother unable to hear him.

“What’s that, Alex? Speechless?”

Clearing his throat, he dropped his hands. “Two months,” he said softly. 

Jon’s jaw dropped. “Wait, wait - our brothers have been, ah, _ sleeping _ together for two _ months _ and we had no idea?”

Both Andrew and Alex yelled a brief objection.

“We are--”

“No we’re--”

They looked at each other, and Andrew pointed his hand at Alex, who spoke. “No, we’ve not been… doing that. _ Not _ that it’s any of your business if we were. It’s… complicated. I guess.”

Patrick snickered. “So, you’re not fucking _ yet _ is what you’re saying. … Not that it’s any of my business.”

“It’s not, though.” Alex frowned.

“Why didn’t you say something, though? Did you think we wouldn’t find out? Chrissakes, we’re your _ brothers,_” said Jon.

Andrew licked his lips, closing his eyes and taking another deep breath. “Because we knew you’d make a big deal out of it. Like you are.”

Alex nodded in agreement. “Also that you’d be an absolute insufferable _ shit _ about it, like you are. I should’ve known you knew by that _ look _ you gave me when you walked in.”

“You know we don’t care, right? I mean, of course we were gonna poke fun at you - we’re your brothers, after all - but, like, it’s not a big deal in the end. You were already close mates. Weirder stuff has happened.” Patrick shrugged.

Alex eyed his brother hesitantly. “So you’re not going to bring it up again?”

“Well, I mean, I didn’t say _ that. _ Besides, if you guys are like, you know… together, or whatever, it’s not like we can pretend otherwise. But you don’t have to hide. You know. It’s fine.”

Andrew scooted closer to Alex on the couch, lightly bumping shoulders with him before resting one hand softly on his leg. Alex gave his hand a brief squeeze.

“If… if you’re sure.” Andrew glanced over at Jon, who smiled.

“But you’re still our brothers, and we reserve the right to make just as much fun of you as always. Besides, we all get along.” Jon chuckled.

“Oh, do we?” said Alex, leaning down to switch Smash Bros. out for Mario Kart. “We’ll see about that.”


End file.
